waiting

We have been anxiously waiting for days. Thinking about all of the necessities we would have to gather for a baby to come into our home in 2 weeks. We wanted to keep it from the kids, when a birth mother is looking at our book, so that they don't get excited and hurt repeatedly, we failed this time because of the urgency of the situation.

Last night I sent a message to our adoption worker telling her it just made me feel better to check in, even though I know she is going to tell us when she knows something. She messaged back today and said she was hoping to have confirmation before letting us know anything, but last she heard the birth mother was leaning towards a different family. No confirmation of that as of yet.

I fully knew this was a possibility, obviously. But I had really hoped that this was our turn for a miracle, our turn for some good news. It doesn't seem like the case. As I fought back tears I thought to myself, how are you going to handle this time after time? I have to change how I am thinking about it.

I am choosing to remind myself this is not like our miscarriages, this child is not dying, he is getting a home, a loving family. This is a win! This family has been waiting just like ours. We don't have to start over with fertility treatments or anything like that. We are at the same place we were a week ago, waiting. This isn't OUR baby, and that is ok. It has to be ok.

So we will continue to raise funds. We will continue to pray for the birth mother of our child. We will continue to pray for OUR child. We will continue following what God has called us to, even though it is scary, even though it seems impossible, even though people tell us we shouldn't. We will just keep waiting.